by Cheeseburger of Doom
Shishido was not a clumsy guy; at least, he didn't think he was a clumsy guy. He hadn't been clumsy before he'd come to this training camp, anyway; these days, though, he stumbled and fell on a regular basis, and usually managed to injure himself in the process.
It was all the fault of that guy from Johsei. For some reason, every time he passed, Shishido became a klutz. It was insane, because Shishido wasn't intimidated by the guy or anything. It was just that every time Kajimoto looked his way, he couldn't think straight anymore; sometimes he even panicked, because when Kajimoto looked his way and met his gaze, it made Shishido realize that he'd been staring.
He just couldn't help himself; Kajimoto was something worth looking at, and much as he'd like to deny it, Shishido couldn't -- couldn't deny what he was, or what he wanted, or what he would have done given the chance.
He wished he'd never come here, and he really wished he'd never met Kajimoto.
Ohtori kept asking if he was all right. Shishido kept assuring him that yes, he was fine, and there was no need to worry; he wasn't acting oddly, it was all just Ohtori's imagination, really.
Shishido tried not to act oddly, but he couldn't help but fall all over himself when those eyes met his; he would do anything to avoid meeting that gaze, even hurting himself, because he didn't want to get caught up in it.
Shishido didn't want to lose himself; not to anyone.
Shishido didn't want to stare at Kajimoto, but he simply couldn't help it; his head turned as he walked past, and he panicked when Kajimoto met his gaze -- panicked, tried to run away, and failed.
Shishido cursed as his head came into contact with the wall. He must really look like an idiot, now. That he was bleeding was only further proof that he was completely hopeless. He wanted to disappear, but Kajimoto had noticed him already and it was too late.
"Here," Kajimoto said. Why the guy carried bandages in his pocket Shishido had no idea; maybe he was clumsy, himself. That was highly unlikely though, given the amount of grace that the damned guy possessed…
Gentled fingers pressed a bandage over the scrape that Shishido had received from the ill-wishing wall, and he tried not to stare into those eyes that were watching him, because it was almost painful -- a person's eyes were supposedly the window to their soul, and Shishido had no desire to see his soul; nor did he want Kajimoto to see his.
"You should be more careful," Kajimoto said, and damn it, why was Shishido so weak for a voice that he'd heard only a handful of times? All he could do was grunt in reply, and pray for Kajimoto to finish quickly. His hands seemed to be lingering, though; it was a bit excessive, the bandage was right where it should be, and it was probably going to stay there for a while, so why did Kajimoto need to keep touching it? Why was Kajimoto still looking at him?
"Why do you keep running away from me?" Kajimoto asked.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Shishido grumbled. He pulled away and retreated, this time managing to avoid incident.
He worried about that gaze that had almost entrapped him, this time; worried that maybe Kajimoto was really trying to get him, after all. Shishido didn't think he would be able to refuse him for much longer, and he worried that he was going to have to stop denying everything very soon.
He didn't like it, but what could he do about it?
Every time Ohtori asked what was wrong, he just said that there was nothing; what would Ohtori have said if he'd told him the truth? That he was afraid of Kajimoto because of everything that he stood for in Shishido's mind -- that Shishido himself was perverted, somehow, and kept dreaming of things he should never have even been able to imagine. What would Ohtori say to that? He was Shishido's dearest friend, but there were limits for everyone; he must have his.
Shishido wanted to come clean and tell someone, because then he might have protection from the future; he couldn't tell, though, and he knew that one day he was going to have to give in.
If he didn't give in, he was going to keep hurting himself; in more ways than one, it seemed.
When he was finally almost brave enough to look into those eyes, he did lose himself just as he'd thought -- only it wasn't so terrible, after all. Kajimoto didn't want to make him disappear, only wanted a piece of him for himself; Shishido didn't like it very much, but it didn't destroy him.
After all, he gained something of Kajimoto in return; something that was all his own, that no one else could touch. It was worth it, really; worth anything that might happen in the uncertain future.
Everything was worth it for the privilege of being able to look into those eyes without fear.
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