Notation: I have this big book of limericks that mainly cracks me up. I figure, why the hell not? I need something silly and sweet. Besides, that just fits Ohtori. XD Oh, and the book he's reading is Limericks for all Occasions by Linda Marsh. Also, this is in the same fic-verse as Not Sick and No Longer Sick. The afore mentioned fics, obviously, don't have to be read to read this. So, basically, they're all just very loosely linked together ficlets. XD

by Jaelawyn Noble

Shishido Ryou loved weekends. There were no classes, tennis practice was optional, and he rarely had any homework to do. He especially loved them when he had actually fallen asleep because his incredibly creative lover had very much worn him out. Stupid insomnia needed to learn to go away. He stretched and glanced around the room and frowned.

No Ohtori.

What the hell? Shishido sat up and rubbed his eyes before glancing at the clock. 9:30, not that late, but not really early. It was, though, an hour later than Ohtori usually liked getting up, even on a weekend. Groaning, Shishido practically fell out of bed and dragged on a pair of loose cotton pants and finger combed his long hair out of his eyes.


"Kitchen," Ohtori shouted.

If Ohtori was in the kitchen, that easily meant coffee. And coffee was the next best thing to sex in Shishido's world. Making a beeline for the kitchen, Shishido was greeted by a smirking Ohtori holding up a large mug of coffee and reading a rather thick book.

"I think I'm gonna nominate you for sainthood," Shishido groaned in gratitude, taking a large gulp of the coffee and giving a little moan of pleasure as he sank into the chair opposite his lover.

"I don't know whether I should be flattered or insulted," Ohtori laughed.

Shishido frowned at him over his coffee.

"Saints obviously don't have much of a sex life, what with it being the original sin and all," Ohtori grinned.

Shishido raised an eyebrow. "Uh…nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize?"

"For giving you coffee every morning?"

"For giving me the caffeine I need so as not to murder either Atobe or Gakuto," Shishido grinned. "You're saving lives."

"Ah, that's what I'm doing, hm?" Ohtori grinned, turning his attention back to his book. Every few minutes he would snicker quietly to himself while Shishido made love to his coffee cup.

"Okay you, what's so funny?" Shishido asked, getting up to refill his cup. He needed to find another mug, this one obviously wasn't big enough. He ignored that fact that his current mug already held what would normally be two cups.

"Oh, nothing, Shishido-san," Ohtori grinned, burying his nose in the book. "Just doing some extra reading for literature class."

"Extra, hunh?" Shishido said, leaning over Ohtori's shoulder to get a peak. "What're you studying now?"

Ohtori snapped his book shut before Shishido got a good look. "We're studying limericks."

Shishido raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his coffee. "I remember those. Not all of them were funny enough to make me snicker like you."

"Really?" Ohtori asked, grinning and tilting his head to the side. Shishido nodded and closed his eyes in bliss as all the caffeine began to hit his system. "Want me to read you a few?"

"Sure, why not," Shishido said, sitting on the counter near the coffee pot. He glanced at it and debated whether or not to start a new pot, but dismissed it in favor of drinking what he already had.

"There were once two young people of taste, Who were beautiful down to the waist, So they limited love To the regions above, And thus remained perfectly chaste."

Shishido sputtered and stared at Ohtori in shock. "W-what?!"

"It's a limerick, Ryou," Ohtori smirked, holding up his book.

"That cannot be a limerick!"

"Oh? What type of limericks do you know?"

Shishido wracked his brain for the one he had memorized for class last year.

"The daughter of debate Who discord aye doth sow, Hath reaped no gain Where former reign Hath taught still peace to grow."

"That's boring!" Ohtori laughed.

Shishido glared over the edge of his mug and took a deep drink of the heavenly brew. "Then prove to me a more amusing one, eh?"

"All right, I will," Ohtori smirked.

"No smirking before 10am, Choutarou. It means bad things for the rest of the day," Shishido said, eyeing his lover.

"Bad things?" Ohtori sputtered, laughing. "Me smirking is a bad thing?"

"Very, very bad," Shishido nodded. "It means you're plotting something when I'm not awake enough to try and figure it out."

Ohtori snorted, "Right." He flipped through the book in his hands and glanced up at Shishido slyly before speaking.

"There once was a man named McGill, Whose acts grew exceedingly ill, He insisted on habits, involving white rabbits, and a bird with a flexible bill."

Shishido, who had just swallowed some coffee, choked viciously, putting his mug down as he fought to clear his lungs where he had inhaled. "Fuckin' hell, Choutarou!"

Ohtori quickly plastered on his innocent, "I didn't do anything!" face. Shishido glared as he coughed a bit more.

"Would you like another one, senpai?" he asked sweetly.

Shishido groaned and picked up his mug, "Go on, though I'm probably going to regret this."

"A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room, And they argued all night Over who had the right To do what, and with which, and to whom."

Shishido snorted his coffee this time. "What the hell?" he snickered. "That's awful!"

"It's funny," Ohtori corrected.

"Funny in an awful sort of way," Shishido agreed, grinning and taking another sip of coffee.

Ohtori browsed the page and smiled, "Ah, here's one you'd like, love."


"There once was a dog named Linus; He was a yippy thing — no shyness. His kennel he wet And started to fret And woke me up with a pain in my sinus."

Shishido snickered, "Now that's a normal limerick. I think Furukawa-sensei had that one hanging up in his classroom."

Ohtori shrugged, "I don't know. I have Fujisawa-sensei."

Shishido nodded. "Have any more?"

"A whole book," Ohtori grinned, an evil glint lighting his eyes. He flipped through a few pages before spotting a good one.

"There once was a man from Bel Air, Who was doing his girl on the stair. When the banister broke, He doubled his stroke, And finished her off in mid-air."

Shishido choked on his coffee, feeling some come out his nose a bit. "Fuck, that is so not cool." He slid off the counter and grabbed a tissue, rubbing at his nose.

Ohtori grinned, trying desperately not to laugh. "Two more?"

Shishido groaned and fetched his coffee cup. "Only two more, Choutarou, and then I'm confiscating that book."

Ohtori nodded and flipped to the front of the book, browsing through the various chapters. Thrills, Trollops and Tarts, Homoerotica… Ohtori smirked and flipped to page 243 and dog-eared it before flipping back to the front. Alternatives, Married Lives, Pleasing Yourself, Shapes and Sizes… Ohtori paused and debated between the last two. He flipped to "Pleasing Yourself" and looked through them. He needed something good. Finding it, he grinned and waited until Shishido had taken a sip from his coffee.

"There was a young man of high station Attached to the Chinese Legation. He liked to be fucked, And adored being sucked, But he reveled in pure masturbation."

Shishido spat his coffee out and coughed, having half choked as well.

Ohtori laughed and put the book down and fetched a towel to clean up the slight mess of coffee as Shishido continued to sputter and cough.

"CHOUTAROU!" he yelled when he had gotten his wind back, grabbing some paper towels and helping to clean up the mess. "You did that on purpose!"

"No, I didn't!" Ohtori laughed, grabbing the towel and throwing it in the dirty laundry basket. Of course he had done that on purpose. It was always fun to see how much he could ruffle his lover's fur.

"Besides, I still have one limerick left!"

"Oh no you don't," Shishido said, throwing away the paper towel and picking up his coffee to take a quick gulp while stealing glances at Ohtori to make sure the other boy wasn't about to make him spit out his coffee again.

"You said I could tell you two more limericks!" Ohtori pouted.

Shishido groaned, "Wait until I finish my coffee?"

Ohtori nodded. "Of course. But waiting will cost you another limerick." Well, more like a dirty rhyme.

Shishido sighed and nodded wearily, finishing his coffee as Ohtori picked up his book and flipped to the "Homoerotica" section to find the perfect one. Grinning, Ohtori waited calmly.

Shishido sighed and put his mug in the sink and flipped the coffee machine off and dumped the little that was left in the pot down the sink as well. He warily eyed his grinning lover as he dumped the grinds in the trash as well before depositing all the necessary bits that needed to be cleaned in the sink.

"All right. You have two more, and then I am going to hide from you for the rest of the day."

"Ryou! That's not fair!" Ohtori pouted, looking wounded.

"It is when you're traumatized me so much this morning."

Ohtori sighed, "If I make you laugh with the last two, will you reconsider hiding?"

"Possibly," Shishido said mildly.

Ohtori picked up his book and flipped through the pages some more.

"While sleeping a sailor from Twickenham Was aware of a strange object stick in him. Before he could turn He'd occasion to learn His shipmate was plunging his prick in him."

Shishido stared and burst out laughing, falling down to sit on the floor. "Oh gods, that was awful."

Ohtori grinned triumphantly and closed the book, setting it on the table and joined Shishido on the floor. "One point in my favor?"

"Yes, silly, one point in your favor," Shishido smiled fondly. "All right, last one, love."

Ohtori nodded and composed himself slightly. He tried to remember what Mukahi-senpai had said about this one and how to deliver it.

"A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss isn't a kiss without some tongue. So close your eyes, and open wide, and give your tongue some exercise," Ohtori purred, smirking at Shishido's surprised look.


Ohtori leaned over and kissed Shishido gently. "Have fun hiding, Ryou." He got up and vanished into their bedroom, leaving a gaping Shishido sitting on the floor in shock.

"Oy! Get your ass back here, Choutarou!"

Ohtori stayed in the bedroom. He could hear Shishido moving about and coming to the bedroom.


"Yes, senpai?"

Shishido glared, "Choutarou, I think you owe me something."

Shit. "Uhm…I do?"

"Yeah, you do," Shishido smiled gently. "Didn't that rhyme say a proper kiss?"

Ohtori grinned. "See, Ryou? Limericks are good after all."

Shishido raised an eyebrow. "The jury is still out on that verdict. Now shut up and kiss me."

"Yes, senpai."

The End

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